Avert your eyes Twilight fans. This is gonna get ugly.
"1 Chromosome, 2 Chromose...shit. You're one short Mr Pattinson."
- “Lucky effer sir?”
WHAT A LOAD OF OLD SHITE. I have never watched so much crap in my entire life. I was only 20 minutes in and I swear to god, cataracts would have been appreciated more. Never before have I hoped for a disaster such as a fire, just to give me an excuse to move away from the sofa. There I was, all snug with my friends, in my PJs, duvets everywhere and a stack of chocolate, oddly looking forward to loosing my virginity. Well, that was not pleasurable. That was like loosing my virginity to bum rape. I could not understand what they were all so excited about. Then I realised. It was not, in fact, a gripping storyline, or amazing special effects. It was in fact the ‘fit’ boys that came with the film. You have got your two teams you see. Team Jacob and Team Edward. So I sat there, Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, there I was. Stuck in the middle of a bunch of willies. Lefties screamed and clenched every muscle they had when Pattinson came on screen, and the righties were creating new muscles they were squeezing that hard when Jacob came on screen. But in all honesty, where is the attraction in those boys? I swear to God, when I put on the subtitles, I could have sworn Jacob was, subconsciously, trying to sell me lucky heather. And Pattinson. That sexy smouldering look that all the girls jizz at, is in fact wind. It is not attractive. It was like he is digging out a wedgie. And I still hold to my theory that he is a Downs.
Shall we really crack down to the fitties? It was my birthday today 
Last year I had a pretty good time, but this year blew that bitch out of the water. I had cake, friends, MONEY and shit loads of prezzies 
Someone pre-ordered Glee season 1 for me. They will have a place saved for them in my heart. Actually no, it isn’t that good. They can have a spot in my uterus. It is kind of like Level 1 seating in the o2. Not quite as good, but still the same thing. Don’t piss me off, or you will be in Level 4. Be warned. But I have to say, my best presents came from 1 person When buying someone a present, never before has this thought entered my mind. She arrived at my house with a goldfish in a bag. An actual goldfish, who stares at me as I type. She is called Marguerite. I am a strong believer in real names for pets. It is such a kick in the teeth when you call them fluffy or some shit like that. She is gorgeous isn’t she I also got a nicely pieced together mood board of my favourite things and a very special rendition of Happy Birthday
Marguerite
I have to say, I have really enjoyed myself today and could not be more grateful for such a bloody brilliant birthday
Kisses
<3
This has made my night:) Love it how you started with twilight and then onto your birthday
So loving the reference to the birthday song of which i was tricked 
Also loving the analogy of the 02 levels 
You are now offically 17.
Once again, Happy Birthday, and I think I fancy Marguerite a bit. It’s something about the way she flaps her gills.
Having, last summer, been a massive Twilight fan I’ve gone off it a little this year. I agree with you about Robert Pattinson, but disagree strongly about Taylor Lautner. In the first film, admittedly, his hair completely ruins it, as well as the fact that he remains fully clothed for the whole film, which is obviously absolutely sickeningly outrageous. In the second film, however… oh my GOODNESS. HOT.
That is all.
p.s. best wishes to Marguerite… that sexy little bitch.
I have no comment on his personal acting skills and all that jazz, but that hair makes me want to die. It is like looking at Courtney Cox. If Courtney Cox was a 17 year old male with a similar physique to my good self. (She was the only famous person I could think of with long brown hair!) We didn’t get round to the second film. We just spooned. Which, in all honesty is always better than any film! Unless that film falls into my top fav films list (Mean Girls, St. Trins etc.)
Marg did a flip this morning <3
xxx